


Tres Nerdy Boys: Here There Be Gerblins

by ManiManTheWriter



Series: Roleswap AU [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Death, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOREVER, In chapter 2, Krav and Barry get it on, M/M, Nothing too important happens there, Optional skip though, Roleswap AU!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:06:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManiManTheWriter/pseuds/ManiManTheWriter
Summary: The tres nerdy boys, Kravitz, Magnus, and Merle all start on their adventure together and meet some odd faces along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

Kravitz wasn’t too sure about this job, but what did he have to lose? If the guys on this job died then it wasn’t his fault. It was theirs for taking the job in the first place. He had lied a bit of course to get onto the job but what was a little lying in the long run? He could provide these guys with food and practice some cantrips with his keyboard. A keyboard that he’d had to fix up quite a bit. So one of the keys was sticky and if the volume was too high then nothing came out of it but if it was too low it just produced loud squeals. One day he would get it fixed. The money from this job would get him on the road to that.

So if he only knew a few first level spells then what of it? There was a fighter and a cleric here for a reason. Plus there were a few more fighters in the little caravan they had so he would be fine. Not that he would want them to die for him, but they were the muscle for a reason. Including the guy driving the wagon they were in. Magnus Burnsides. The name was definitely not ironic, the dude was huge and had crazy sideburns that were definitely well kept.

At this point though they were most of the way there and he was getting bored. So he moves to the back of the wagon and turns on his keyboard. He starts playing a song that had always been stuck in his head. For as long as he could remember these seven notes in that order were always there. So he’d made it into a full song after a lot of working on it. He didn’t have it written down, so it was always slightly different. One day though he’d nail it all down and put it together.

For now though he and the other two had noticed something. It’s not long until they’re all in a fight with what appears to be gerblins. Kravitz is up to the front of the cart quickly to try and use a cantrip to destroy this thing. Once it successfully done he smirks.

“Ha! That was easy.”

After the other two kill the other two goblins he puts out the fire and sits down to fix the volume on the keyboard. It had squealed a bit during that fight and yeah it might have helped but he was a bard and that wouldn’t do at all.

After hiding the cart and figuring out where to set up for the night for the others to heal up. He was pretty much fine since he hadn’t left the cart. He watches the two as he practices his song, keyboard off and humming the song to himself.

The next morning they all head into the nearby cave, knowing both of those guys they were behind were in there somewhere. If they wanna get paid they gotta make sure they guy paying them wouldn’t die. After some talking it over he goes to check out the inside of the cave. There were gerblins all over and after some more looking around he spots a familiar face. It was that Barry guy who had gone up ahead.

After scoping everything out he goes back to the other two and talks to them about what he’d seen. When they get done talking it all out they all head up to try and stop Barry from getting killed, but get stopped by Y’mik. He wanted them to kill his boss named Klarg.

It didn’t seem like the best idea, but it was better than letting Barry just straight up die. If he was asked it was to be sure they got paid. Although the guy was kinda cute. If they all made it out of this then maybe he could talk to Barry about meeting up again.

Not that it was important right now. No, right now he needed to focus. So the three of them travel the cave and find Klarg, it wasn’t too hard to do that. It wasn’t that big of a cave.

Of course they were gonna kill Y’mik later. He wasn’t to be trusted at all so might as well get rid of all the gerblins in the cave to make sure nothing bad happened to them. As well as Barry. Why was he so concerned about Barry? Sure getting paid was nice but wow this was a bit much.

As they head away from the first chamber they come across another, hearing what is probably the Klarg. The voice sure sounded like a Klarg. As they get there though Kravitz has a good idea to test his spells and his prowess as a bard.

“Hey, hold up. I think I’ve got an idea. Stay put.” Kravitz turns on his keyboard and makes sure it’s at the right volume, then walks into the room alone. He casts Charm Person as he walks into the room, getting Klarg. Of course he sees something coming at him and he dodges.

“Klarg call off the wolf!”

“Oh, oh, sure. Hey, uh, Percival, come back. Come to daddy.”

“Klarg, my name is Kravitz. My two partners outside are Magnus and Merle. Guys come on in.”

“Oh, hello Kravitz. Hello Magnus, Merle.”

Magnus and Merle come into the room and Magnus waves a bit.

“Klarg, we heard around that Y’mik wants to kill you.”

“Y’mik? No… No I think you’re mistaken my dear friends. I uh… I  employ several Y’mik’s and-”

“Klarg, Klarg its Kravitz speaking. Would I lie to you?”

“Well, no. I don’t think you would. But Y’mik couldn’t hurt a fly.”

“He wants to kill you, Klarg. So instead of that happening, we could help you kill him. In return, we’d like to be sure Barry Bluejeans is safe.”

“Your Barry Bluejeans will be safe, but I just can’t believe Y’mik would try that. I’ll call him over here now.”

Kravitz moves to the corner and pulls the other two with him. When Y’mik comes in and tries to kill Klarg he helps fight against Y’mik and his cronies. Now they had to go get Barry. Of course Klarg had a few other plans.


	2. Chapter 2

After getting some gold and healing potions from Klarg, the three of them go back to Barry and wake him up. Once he’s up Kravitz gives him a healing potion.

“Wow, thanks. I really needed that. My name is Barry J Bluejeans and I appreciate that very much. Now I’m ready to kick some goblin ass! Where did they go?”

“Sorry Barry, no goblin asses left. We handled it.”

“Y-you didn’t leave me one ass.”

“Well if you’re so worried about that we can talk about it later. For now we need to know if you know who this Black Spider is. He has Gundren.”

“We should get out of here first. My name is Barry Bluejeans and I’m ready to leave this damn cave.”

The four of them leave the cave, Kravitz keeping an eye on Barry to be sure he is alright. No need to let him die after working this hard to keep him alive. He was important in finding Gundren and this Black Spider person. Whoever the hell they were.

Once they’re out of the cave Kravitz wraps an arm around Barry.

“Alright Barold, can I call you Barold?”

“I-”

“Thanks. Anyway Barold, where is this Black Spider guy? I know you avoided that pretty quickly, but its info we need so I’d love it if we could get that info.”

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Barold~ Barry look at me dude. I know when I’m being lied to. So tell me what I’d like to know and I’ll pay you back later.”

Barry looks Kravitz over.

“Pay me back how?”

“I think you know how.”

There’s a pause and then as they approach the cart Barry climbs into the front.

“We should go to town first. Just to rest up, you guys can heal up and get your spell slots back. Sound good?”

Kravitz climbs in next to Barry.

“I like that idea. Alright chucklefucks, get on the cart. We need the night to rest up.”

On the way to town Kravitz is kinda nervous about what was about to happen, but it wasn’t too big of a deal for him. If he was lucky Barry had actually done this before and he didn’t need to teach the guy anything. That was not his idea of a fun night.

When the four of them make it to Phandalin they get two rooms to cut down on costs and Kravitz offers to stay with Barry before the other two could. As they settle in for the night Kravitz watches as Barry casts Silence around the room.

“Prepared huh?”

“Well, I’d rather no one hear us. Thankfully I put it more on the walls so we can still hear each other.”

“So I noticed. Now, before we get down to it you’ve got some info to give me.”

“Oh, yeah I do.”

The two sit down and Barry tells Kravitz what he knows of the Black Spider and of the map to get to him. It was more than he was thinking Barry would have but that was a good thing, the more they knew the better.

“Huh, that’s some interesting stuff.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy.”

 

**~~If you don’t wanna see any sex stuff now is the time to skip down.~~**

 

They sit in silence for a moment before Kravitz moves to take off his shirt, but he’s stopped when Barry kisses him. After taking a second to consider he kisses back and moves when Barry gently pulls him over. It was odd how gentle Barry was being, but Kravitz didn’t mind it. It was a nice change of pace.

They take things slow, working off their shirts as they kiss, pants being pushed off as Barry works on feeling up the elf under him. Once the two of them are naked they pause and Kravitz chuckles.

“So, who’s gonna grab some lube? Or have you got some spells you can use.”

“I’ve got one.”

“Lucky me.”

Barry casts his spell and then carefully works on prepping Kravitz so he didn’t hurt the other. Sure it sounded like the elf had done this before, but he just wanted to be nice. How often did that happen to him? Probably not enough.

“Don’t take too long down there Barry, that Silence spell of yours is only gonna last so long.”

“Good point.”

One finger had become two slowly, but at Kravitz’s request it became three quickly. He really didn’t want the Silence spell to wear off while they were in the middle of things. That would make for an embarrassing morning.

“Bluejeans, you’re spacing again. If you don’t wanna do this then I’ll just finish up and then go meditate.”

“No, it’s not that. I just… I want this to be a nice experience, if that’s not too weird.”

“Wow I’m banging a bigger nerd than I thought.” Kravitz chuckles.

Barry was tempted to feign being hurt by this, but decided against it, focusing on what he was doing. It wasn’t long until he had the elf moaning with every movement of his fingers. If he really wanted he could drag it out but Kravitz seemed to have other plans.

“If I wanted a finger fuck I’d do it myself. Get on with it.”

Barry snickers and shakes his head. Kravitz could say that but it didn’t convey the right message when he moaned right afterwards. So he moves forward and removes his fingers, quickly replacing them with his dick. It causes both of them to moan.

“Well, when you’re ready…”

“I’m ready, no need to ask.”

Barry nods and starts moving, starting slow and speeding up when he doesn’t get much of a reaction out of Kravitz. When he gets the reaction he wants he keeps the pace, making sure he’s not hurting the other. Some part of him just wanted to be extra careful with this elf. He didn’t really know any elves so it was odd. Why did this random elf have such an impact on him?

 

**~~Ok, you’re good now. No more nsfw stuff.~~**

 

As he was thinking he slowed down, not noticing it. Kravitz did though, and when he actually looks at the human he reaches out to shake him. This had to stop.

“Barry, hey! Barry!”

Barry snaps out of it and looks at Kravitz. His face was wet, had he been crying? Kravitz pushes Barry back and sits up, hesitantly hugging the man.

“You ok?”

“Y-yeah, just… I don’t know. I guess I just lost track of myself.”

“Sure looked like it. Wanna just get some sleep?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

The two get dressed and Kravitz moves over to a chair to meditate.

“You can have the bed if you want.”

“Elves don’t need sleep, humans do. Get some sleep Barold.”

“Alright… Night Kravitz.”

“Night Barry.”

 

Early the next morning Kravitz takes the map they needed from Barry’s things and sneaks out of the room, getting his partners and heading off. When asked about where Barry was he didn’t answer. They didn’t need to know.

Kravitz didn’t know that he’d come to regret that later.

For now they needed to get to Wave Echo Cave, and as far from Barry as possible. He didn’t want to deal with that backlash. If he ever saw Barry again though maybe they could continue what they started. That would be fun. If not though then there would be others.


	3. Chapter 3

It takes them about a day to get to Wave Echo Cave and Kravitz had managed to figure out a few more spells by then so he could help his partners. A dude who knew all of two spells was pretty useless. As they get in there and make their way through the cave, it was easier to focus on finding Gundren and not the fact that he felt some kind of connection to Barry. It was just too odd.

By the time they find Gundren, the orc woman, and Magic Brian, the three of them had been through quite a bit.

“Alright, I’ve got this you two.” Kravitz steps forward and does something he hadn’t done in a while, he puts on a fake accent. “Well hello, what’s your name?”

Of course there is some snickering behind him but he ignores it as best he can.

“Oh your voice is like a song. I’m Magic Brian, what’s your name dear?”

“I’m Kravitz, and these are my travelling partners. Magnus is the big one and Merle is the little one.”

“Hey!”

“Hush Merle. Now, we’re here for Gundren. You can do whatever you like with her, but Gundren is Merle’s cousin and he’d like him back. So if you don’t mind.”

“Oh no, take him. He’s served his purpose and I have no need of him. I just do need to know one thing, how did you find my cave?”

“Craigs list actually.”

“Oh, well that makes sense I suppose. Now are you here for the-” His voice cuts off to static and Kravitz raises an eyebrow at him.

“Screw that! I’m here for my cousin!”

“Ah, well that answered my question just fine. Thank you.”

“Now, we are going to need that orc woman too. I’m sure Magnus is just itching to run over and save her.”

As he says that Magnus rushes Brian and he pulls out a pocket knife, getting the webbing off of the orc woman to the best of his ability.

“Alright, time to get out of here while you can. We’ve got this.”

“Not happening.”

As Kravitz gets ready to argue, Magic Brian suddenly calls down a large black spider from the ceiling.

“Oh, gross.”

He notices Merle cast a spell at both Magic Brian and the spider, then notices the orc woman pull a buzzer out of her pocket and shoot a ball of energy at the big iron door nearby. When he hears a lot of banging he backs away a bit.

“Uh, what’s your name?”

“Me? I’m Killian. Is there more you wanted to ask or-”

“Nope that’s all, later.”

Kravitz moves over to Merle. As he does he watches Magnus trip the giant spider with his chain. It wouldn’t do much but ok, it was prone for at least a bit. Then he swings his axe at it and fucks it up a bit.

“Well then.” Once Magnus is done he casts Thunderwave, pushing Brian and the spider back about five feet.

“Oh, is that what we’re doing now? Magic things?”

Magic Brian casts Thunderwave right back, pushing Kravitz and Merle back ten feet rather than the measly five from before. It actually knocks him onto his back from the force.

“Well that was easy. Goodness, what a pitiful bard you are.”

“Oh you’re gonna regret that.” Kravitz rushes forward and casts Thunderwave again. He gets close enough that he manages to knock Magic Brian right into the pit, along with Gundren. Before he can run to try and grab Gundren four dwarf hands grab onto the side of the pit and two identical dwarves pull themselves up.

“Oh… How will we know which is which?”

“I’m me, I’m Gundren! He’s the fake!”

“No, he is the fake! He’s a bad bad man and you should kill him!”

Without a thought Magnus kicks the obviously fake Gundren into the pit.

“Oh nooo! The mystery is solved! You’ve solved my final riddle, you are the new riddle master. Congratulations… You have proven yourselves… Quite the adventurers… oh, I’ve landed on Bryan. Bryan, ah… Bryan I’m so proud of them…”

The three of them look at each other.

“I’m going to die now… My life is flagging from my body… I’ll see my family… Goodbye cruel world…”

Kravitz picks up a big rock and chucks it down at Brian.

“Ugh, that’s very bad news… Ah! Ow owwww!”

Then there was silence.

“Finally. Thought he’d never die.”

Killian taps herself with a feather duster and jumps into the pit, falling down very slowly so as to not hurt herself.

With that the three of them and Gundren head over to the vault of Wave Echo Cave.

“So, what’s in here Gundren?” Kravitz was curious. He knew it was some precious thing, but it hadn’t been said… Or couldn’t be spoken about. It was odd really.

“Something that belongs to me. It’s my birthright.”

“Oh… Ok then.”

Kravitz looks over and notices a skeleton with an umbrella and a red robe. Before he can start towards it Gundren starts freaking out and leaves quickly with what looked to be a powerful gauntlet.

“That’s not good… But hey look what I found.”

Kravitz calls over his partners to show off the skeleton and umbrella. Merle grabs for the umbrella and gets shot back.

“Ow!”

“My turn.” Kravitz grabs the umbrella and picks it up with ease. With a shrug he straps it to his back and then takes the red robe, putting it on. “Shit that’s a perfect fit. Thanks for the new robe dead guy.”

“You’re just gonna take the robe too?”

“Magnus obviously its got some kinda magic attached to it, so of course I’m gonna take it. Maybe it’ll protect me. Now let’s go get Gundren before he wanders off too far and kills someone.”

The three of them head off with Killian to follow after Gundren’s destructive path. It takes them a day, but they eventually make it to Phandolin. Kravitz grimaces at that, Barry very well could be still around.

 

Of course what they find is very much worse.

Gundren had made a mess, destroying a chunk of Phandalin in his rage. Now they just need to find him and keep him calm. That plan goes out the window when Barry runs out of the inn they were staying out with Gundren on his heels.

Quickly Kravitz moves forward to try and calm Gundren.

“Hey, Gundren, there’s no need to be like this. Just chill and we can all talk about this. You can even keep that thing on if you want, but you gotta just calm down and listen to me.” Being a bard has its perks, so he could only hope it worked.

After a bit it seemed like Gundren had started to calm down, only for someone to shoot him with an arrow. Kravitz looks over to see an Orc kid. Then he looks back to Gundren only to realize something bad was about to happen.

“Everybody move!” He grabs Barry and tries to pull him away. At one point he loses his grip and Killian pulls himself, Magnus, and Merle into a well so they would survive the blast.

After everything calms down Kravitz climbs out and freezes.

“Oh no... “

“Kravitz, keep moving or tell us what’s up.”

“Phandalin… Phandalin’s gone.”

The four of them climb out and Kravitz winces as he hears the now black glass ground make noises under his feet. Not too far away he notices the gauntlet, so he walks over and picks it up. When he hears a voice he freezes, but then just shoves it in his bag.

“Now what do we do? We kinda fucked up here… Really badly.” Magnus looks at the others, wanting to know what they would do.

Kravitz starts backing away a bit. It was the Rockport Limited all over again. No, he couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t run again, there was nowhere else to go.

“Well, you guys could come with me. I’m sure my boss would love to talk to you, because Kravitz you’re doing something no one else has really done.”

Kravitz snaps back to reality and looks at Killian.

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

“If you come with me everything will be explained. For now, you’ve just gotta trust me.”

The other three all look at each other and nod a bit. While the other two talk it out Kravitz walks around a bit. At one point he finds something that makes his heart hurt, even though it really shouldn’t. He picks up Barry’s glasses. They had been enchanted so they’d survived. Quickly he stuffs them into his pocket and goes back to the others.

“Alright, I don’t know about you three but I’m ready to just sit for a while. I’m tired.”

“Well you’ll be able to sit soon, so don’t worry too much.” With that Killian presses on her bracer and the four of them wait patiently for the next step in their adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, part 2 of my roleswap is done! Hopefully I can start writing the next part soon! This was originally going to be short parts about Taako and Kravitz but having it fleshed out like this feels a lot better to me. So be on the lookout for that!


End file.
